Monday, May 2, 2011

A Good Night to Wear a Suit

   So on Friday I got a call from the girl that cuts my hair. She's wondering if she can use my office for a bachelorette party that she's planning, and if I can be their personal bartender. Obviously I said yes. Now, she never said anything about stripping, but I know that her and a couple friends have said that I look quite dashing, especially when I'm dressed up.
   I was going to wear a suit, but I eventually decided against it, because suits can be constricting and I've never bartended in one, so I'm not sure I could have done any bartender tricks. I wore my nicest looking blue button down shirt and nice pants and shoes, so I would say I was still bartender suited up. The night goes on and I'm making very potent drinks for them. I haven't been drinking, because I'm trying to be professional, so when they called over to me and asked me to start stripping for them, I was a bit nervous. Naturally I said that for every shot one of them took, I would take one, until I was ready to start. So this way, I assured that it wouldn't be awkward for me, and they would be willing to do anything.
   After many shots we got the music going and I went to town. I won't give you the play-by-play, but there was quite a bit of grinding, grabbing dollars from their bras(with my mouth) and fewer clothes by the minute. They really enjoyed my lucky Cheetah print boxers. After they had their fill of me, we decided to go downtown.
   Now, I don't know if any of you have ever done this before, but I felt like a God among mere men at this point. I had around 7-8 very attractive girls hanging on me, buying me drinks, and undoing my shirt and belt buckle when I wasn't paying attention. There was not a single guy in there that wasn't jealous, and I had a few random girls come up to me trying to flirt, but I pretty much just blew them off. I can finally see why women do that so much. When you've already gotten the attention of 7+ hotter girls, why put the effort into the less attractive ones?
    After a bit of arguing over who got to take me home, and whether or not I could be "shared," I decided I'd go over to the cute red head's house. Don't worry, she was a daywalker not a ginger. She seemed like the coolest one to chill with, because I wasn't planning on having sex at this point, and just wanted to hang out one on one with a girl for a bit. The reason I wasn't going to sex any of them up that night(and I know you're thinking WTF!?!? at this point) was because I have sort of a monogamous relationship where we've agreed not to sleep with anyone else and I'd already had my way with her twice that day already.
   On the way back to her house we ordered pizza and we ended up watching The Other Guys, which I was not all that impressed with. At some point in the night I decided that I should walk home, not even considering a cab because I was too far gone to rationally think. I start walking home and realize that I've walked about 10 blocks in the wrong direction. I get pissed at myself for not paying attention to where I'm going and decide to call up my "friend with benefits."
   It's really late and I half expect her to just not answer, but for some strange reason she actually answered and decided that she needed to come get me. Apparently I sounded really drunk or something. So she picks me up and drives me home and I thank her profusely. She helps me to my house, and then into my bed and takes my clothes off and gives me a BJ. I don't remember anything past that, but I think she probably just left. The moral of the story here is if you don't have a suit, or any nice looking clothes, then get some. I was a completely different man before I started dressing nice. I owe this awesomeness to my suits. I owe at least 75% of it to suits, 15% to alcohol, and 5% to me. Suit up to make sure you can Birthday suit up.

This is what I felt like, except I wore cooler looking cheetah boxers.

If you guys have any questions, I can try to answer them in later posts. Just leave a comment.

47 comments:

  1. that is epic. you should have stripped wearing a suit tho!

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  2. That sounds like one epic night! Glad you shared it, must be fun to be you!

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  3. Lol, nice story... I know the feeling when youre in a club feeling like a god, but I already had that when I had been in a club together with my g/f and our friend with benefits... 2 lovely ladies are good too :)

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  4. WALL OF TEXT AHHHH! Great story though!

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  5. My birthday suit is not very desirable, but hey that doesn't matter when you got friends with benefits coming around.

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  6. Funny story, have you ever bartended professionally?

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  7. Walking 10 blocks in the different direction lol. And i thought that I'am the only one who does such stupid things. Well whatever nice story.

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  8. This is pure epicness! So great. More of these if you have please.

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  9. interesting and fun story!

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  10. Dang, that sounds like one for the books. Good read, well worth it.

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  11. I wish I could go to college in a suit, but I attracting attention isn't really my thing.

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  12. haha always got to be looking fresh, man!

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  13. Great weekend, by any standards.

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  14. Epic story and sage advice, good one.

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  15. LOL. Suits made you that cool...wow

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  16. I have a suit for each day of the week.

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  17. Excellent read, and great advice. Nice work man.

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  18. I agree...my personality changes when I put on a nice fitting suit

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  19. 75%, 15% and 5% you say? in my case its a a bit more for the alcohol but i totally agree the suit comes first

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  20. Sounds very Barney Stinson-ish, but I guess you have a point
    +following

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  21. *lucky* napoleon dynamite voice

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  22. can you share a bit of your life with me? and you're kinda missing 5% there somewhere.

    Glad it was fun man

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  23. Haha awesome story man. Can't beat suiting up.

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  24. Smoooooooth haha, shows what a nice shirt does for you :)

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  25. Suddenly I feel like digging up my penguin suit lol

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  26. Wear the suit to have a better chance of getting into your birthday suit... Niceeeeeee

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  27. yes, i the one in red was hot

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  28. sounds like an epic night + followed

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  29. yeah must have been great :D

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  30. Hahaha, that was an epic read

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  31. hehe no its not i'm not in it, but i want this team to get at least in the top five teams in the students day competition, thx by the way there probably are no girls on the internet :)

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  32. every day is a good day to wear a suit!

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  33. you know what would make Xerxes cooler?
    if he were suited and booted.

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  34. Dressing snazzy is great. Anyone who doesn't know that will be forever alone.

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  35. Ok, so you watched The Other Guys and you din't like it???? WTF! XD I won't even go into whole I'm monogamous business XD

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  36. Glad I found this blog, great post.

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  37. I like going through your posts in the morning

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  38. Thanks OneMind. It's nice to know I can be of entertainment :)

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  39. Haha, cool story, bro.
    Liking your blog, laughed at your under title! :D

    Been getting into suits more and more as i've been watching Mad Men!

    Will follow for more suits! +1

    Check mine out at awesomeexposed.blogspot.com !

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  40. still loving the blog man. keep it up

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