Tuesday, June 21, 2011


Don't expect anyone to believe that you have a girlfriend when you're at a videogame tournament. Especially if you're one of the ones running it.

They were giving out free shirts to all the girls there, and my secretary, who was one of about 3 girls there, got one. I told them I had a girlfriend I would give one to back home, and the lady just laughed and told me nobody believed me. I honestly can't blame her, but it was a cool shirt.

If any of you guys are interested in watching the stream we sometimes do, I'll put up a link for future ones.

I've been working with Focus Fire a bit lately and they are a great group of guys. You guys should definitely check out their website focus-fire.com and if you're interested in the stream that we did, the link is justin.tv/focusfirefeed/

I'm not sure that this is all that related to my blog, but if you want me to talk about more stuff like this just let me know in the comments.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Sorry Guys

   I just posted my new blog over at http://knowledgin.blogspot.com/. I think it will be a fun blog and many of you will enjoy it.
   That being said, I apologize for not updating my blog very much lately. I really want to get back into the swing of things and update more regularly. Because I haven't had a ton of ideas on what to post lately, I'll let you guys post in the comments for suggestions about what I should write about. Keep in mind though that I will most likely ignore whatever you say though and just go with something completely different when I get an idea of my own.

Friday, May 20, 2011

New Blog

   I was at the bar tonight and I realized that the shit people say there is so entertaining. So entertaining in fact that I need to share it with the rest of the world. From the dirty jokes that my 82 year old grandfather tells me to the 60 something year old lady telling me to put a bed at my office so I can give my secretary "better massages," it's all a good load of fun. Is this something you guys think you would actually read?(The blog's not actually up yet)

Monday, May 16, 2011

Aftermath of the Birthday

   I'm taking part of my lunch break to write this now. This is the first time I have been sober in a while. My Birthday was amazing for those who were wondering. Obviously there was a lot of drinking. One of the days I went to my parents house and they cooked me up some food and gave me presents and everything. Then after that some of my buddies came over and my father suggested we play some flip cup. We proceeded to get smashed playing this game. I had been drinking martinis before this and then between 6-7 of us we downed a case of beer in about 20-30 minutes. We were sad when it was gone.
   I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get laid that night, but I was probably too far gone for the girl to enjoy it anyway. Saturday was great though. I had my girl come over and she brought me all sorts of food to eat. Throughout the day we watched movies in my bed in between "celebrating my Birthday," if you know what I mean.
   Unfortunately my previous post's picture was not accurate for the parties. I forgot about trying to get a girl to let me do that. Instead though we took body shots off the girls. That is hot and it never gets old. Unless they get old I guess.
   If there are any girls reading this, just so you know, it makes it harder to take a body shot if your belly button is pierced. Plus, I'm not really into piercings all that much. I think a girl looks much better without tattoos or multiple types of piercings. I know it's a personal preference so don't start saying I have no taste in women or something. I actually know a girl that got a triforce tattooed to her back, and it was really cool. I'm pretty sure it was the whole hyrulian shield or something too.
   Most importantly I made this post to thank everyone for the Birthday wishes. I had a great time, and it's always nice to hear a happy birthday from a fellow blogger.

Stay awesome guys.
Edit because of Xenotooth: I guess I should have mentioned the streaking, so yes, I was in my birthday suit, but far too wasted to know how many people saw me. It was more of a college neighborhood, so there's a good chance that a lot of lovely ladies saw me.

Friday, May 13, 2011


Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't been posting much this week, but today is my birthday and it's basically a weeklong event. You may not here from me for days. I don't even know where I'll be. There will be drunken debauchery all around!

This will be happening. Except with good beer.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


   One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was to make sure to always go out in public looking presentable. You never know when the love of your life, a job opportunity, or a new friend is going to go by. I'm not saying you need to wear a suit everyday, but it does help if you do something with your scruff on your neck, and don't go out in pajamas or sweatpants all the time. People take notice of this stuff. More than you might think.
   Does someone think you're irresponsible? Dress up a little more than usual every time you see them and don't make a big deal out of it. Don't even bring it up if they don't say anything about it.
   This also helps with self-confidence. I'm sure you've noticed that when you're walking around in a suit, you feel more confident and you aren't afraid to do things that you normally wouldn't. Maybe that includes talking to a girl, or confronting a coworker or boss about something.
   Have you ever noticed how awesome Barney Stinson feels in a suit? He has 100% confidence that every girl he talks to will be interested in him. Obviously that isn't true, but his suit allows him to retain his confidence after being shot down and continue to his next target. Looking good leads to feeling good. I can promise that.

Look good, smell good, act good.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Cologne, but first Dogs

   Suits. These are a man's best friend. Don't listen to that crap about dogs being your friend. That's just nonsense. Your suit can bring you out of a bad mood, get you a job, help you meet women, and all sorts of stuff that a dog can do too, but with a lot more style. Don't get me wrong. I love dogs. I've had a few dogs, and they are my favorite kind of pet, but my suits rank way higher on my scale. Now that I got that issue cleared up, I can move onto the actual subject: Cologne. I used to use some kind of Kouros brand that I had good and bad input on from women, so I moved to a better, more businessy cologne. I found Aramis a while back, and I love it. It's extremely important to smell good. You can be the classiest, best looking guy, but if you don't have "The Smell" you could be out of luck.
   Another important aspect, in fact the most important is that a woman's sense of smell is heightened during sex. Wearing a musky cologne has actually been proven to help a girl orgasm. I don't have the link for the actual data, but I'm positive I read this back in the day. There are other good reasons to wear cologne too, but honestly, who cares? This is the best reason, so I'm not even going to go into the other ones.
   Seriously check out the Aramis cologne though. It's damn good stuff.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

What I Do

   There were a couple people wondering what it is I do for a living, and I thought I just might oblige them. That being said, I don't want to get into it too much. I don't want any of you tracking me down or anything.
   I'm the CEO of a business I started a while back that develops software for small businesses and budding franchises. I make custom inventory systems for wine shops, tournament brackets for used video game stores, etc. And I charge per store, so when those franchises get big, so does my profit.
   Me and a buddy I knew from High school went to the same college and one day we talked to a guy that was just starting out  a video game store franchise. He needed a custom inventory system that he could entice other video game stores with to be under his franchise. We had a few meetings with him over the course of the project, and every single time we wore a suit. If you've read my earlier posts, you know that I bought my first suit at Goodwill. This is the suit I used every time. That $18 investment allowed me to get the upper hand in the negotiations, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if I made over $1000 more from that deal, just because of the suit.
   This is the time in my life that I realized suits were an amazing thing. If my friend hadn't suggested it, I probably would have gone in with a polo shirt, or maybe a button down shirt the first time I met the guy. That might have been enough to land the job, but not enough to be the one in control.
   This might be a bit off topic, but when I eventually got my office, girls openly said that they wanted to have sex with me in my office. I think that a majority of women have some sort of office fantasy that they want fulfilled, so that's just some advice: Get an office. Get a suit. Suit up already.
   I hope this satisfies your curiosity. If I think of anything else I'll leave it down in the comments or make an edit below. Questions always help me. They give me something to write about.

Motivational posters are what make it an actual office. Trust me.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


   It sounds like I'm getting an intern pretty soon. Some kid from Carnegie Mellon I guess. This is going to be great. I've never had an intern before. I don't even know how much I'm supposed to pay him. I think I'm going to make up rules at my office and pretend that it's standard procedure in any office to do something like that. I think I'm going to screw with him as much as I can without permanently damaging him. Most importantly though, at the same time I'm going to teach him the importance of wearing suits. I only have about 2 months with him, but I think that's a sufficient amount of time. Hell, it took me a weekend at most to realize the potential of suits.
   Have you guys ever had an intern? Or been an intern? Any good things I can do to mess with him? Leave some comments to let me know.

Monday, May 2, 2011

A Good Night to Wear a Suit

   So on Friday I got a call from the girl that cuts my hair. She's wondering if she can use my office for a bachelorette party that she's planning, and if I can be their personal bartender. Obviously I said yes. Now, she never said anything about stripping, but I know that her and a couple friends have said that I look quite dashing, especially when I'm dressed up.
   I was going to wear a suit, but I eventually decided against it, because suits can be constricting and I've never bartended in one, so I'm not sure I could have done any bartender tricks. I wore my nicest looking blue button down shirt and nice pants and shoes, so I would say I was still bartender suited up. The night goes on and I'm making very potent drinks for them. I haven't been drinking, because I'm trying to be professional, so when they called over to me and asked me to start stripping for them, I was a bit nervous. Naturally I said that for every shot one of them took, I would take one, until I was ready to start. So this way, I assured that it wouldn't be awkward for me, and they would be willing to do anything.
   After many shots we got the music going and I went to town. I won't give you the play-by-play, but there was quite a bit of grinding, grabbing dollars from their bras(with my mouth) and fewer clothes by the minute. They really enjoyed my lucky Cheetah print boxers. After they had their fill of me, we decided to go downtown.
   Now, I don't know if any of you have ever done this before, but I felt like a God among mere men at this point. I had around 7-8 very attractive girls hanging on me, buying me drinks, and undoing my shirt and belt buckle when I wasn't paying attention. There was not a single guy in there that wasn't jealous, and I had a few random girls come up to me trying to flirt, but I pretty much just blew them off. I can finally see why women do that so much. When you've already gotten the attention of 7+ hotter girls, why put the effort into the less attractive ones?
    After a bit of arguing over who got to take me home, and whether or not I could be "shared," I decided I'd go over to the cute red head's house. Don't worry, she was a daywalker not a ginger. She seemed like the coolest one to chill with, because I wasn't planning on having sex at this point, and just wanted to hang out one on one with a girl for a bit. The reason I wasn't going to sex any of them up that night(and I know you're thinking WTF!?!? at this point) was because I have sort of a monogamous relationship where we've agreed not to sleep with anyone else and I'd already had my way with her twice that day already.
   On the way back to her house we ordered pizza and we ended up watching The Other Guys, which I was not all that impressed with. At some point in the night I decided that I should walk home, not even considering a cab because I was too far gone to rationally think. I start walking home and realize that I've walked about 10 blocks in the wrong direction. I get pissed at myself for not paying attention to where I'm going and decide to call up my "friend with benefits."
   It's really late and I half expect her to just not answer, but for some strange reason she actually answered and decided that she needed to come get me. Apparently I sounded really drunk or something. So she picks me up and drives me home and I thank her profusely. She helps me to my house, and then into my bed and takes my clothes off and gives me a BJ. I don't remember anything past that, but I think she probably just left. The moral of the story here is if you don't have a suit, or any nice looking clothes, then get some. I was a completely different man before I started dressing nice. I owe this awesomeness to my suits. I owe at least 75% of it to suits, 15% to alcohol, and 5% to me. Suit up to make sure you can Birthday suit up.

This is what I felt like, except I wore cooler looking cheetah boxers.

If you guys have any questions, I can try to answer them in later posts. Just leave a comment.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

So Hungover

I know I said I was going to write about my experience last night, but I'm so hungover. So so hungover. I'll do it tonight or tomorrow though. I think I still have to remember everything that happened anyway.

I'm very glad I decided to wear these.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Needed to share.

Now I know some of you are going to think a bit less of me here, but I think I'll manage to get over it. A girl I met at the bar I work at occasionally just booked me for her friend's bachelorette party. This happens to be a girl from the same night that I blogged about earlier in my blog. I got a call from her and she also asked me what kind of drinks she should bring for it. This sounds like a classy bachelorette party to me. Except for the stripping obviously. I think it's going to be a good weekend.

Edit: What kind of suit you guys think I should strip out of. Should it be a nice formal one, or one that makes me look like a stripper to begin with, or maybe you guys have some even better ideas. Let me know in the comments.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Barney Stinson Vs. Charlie Sheen

Or in other words nice Italian suits versus bowling shirts. Is this really a competition? I think we can all agree that  Barney looks much nicer in his suits than Charlie does in his classic bowling shirts. Charlie needs to bang 7 gram rocks to have fun, while Barney just needs a bit of scotch to get his wheels going. Does anyone think that those bowling shirts look good anyway? Are girls attracted to that or is it the fact that it sticks out, like I talked about in an earlier post? I think that the most important factor here though is that the actor who portrays Barney is gay and still gets the girls. Charlie Sheen has and most likely always will be a womanizer in real life as well in his show, so he has a huge head start, but that doesn't stop Mr. Stinson from beating the crap out of him in the field of awesomeness. I think the clear winner here is Barney, but I have a feeling that I will have to explore this topic further in future posts.

Winner, duh

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


So for those of you that already wear suits, or the ones that have started, but now all of your friends are too, here's what you can do. Get pinstripes. In a setting where there's more than one suit, pinstripes will distinguish you from them and have also been shown to make the wearer feel more powerful and important. Pinstripes aretypically reserved for business attire though, so I wouldn't go to a club or a normal bar in them. They sure do make you look damn nice though!

Now doesn't that look sexy, women?

Monday, April 25, 2011

Steampunk's Impact

Steampunk: An imaginary Victorian age, that features brass and copper clockwork and steampowered inventions that go far beyond 1800's technology. Steam powered mechanical wonders, optimistic gear driven computers, dirigibles, clockwork firsts, and stuff like that. (But don't forget the goggles.) 

I'll admit to not knowing a whole hell of a lot about Steampunk. This may be the first and last time I ever say I don't know much about something. Just because I don't know a ton though, doesn't mean I can't be interested in it. I think the movie Wild Wild West intrigued me originally and gave me a hankering for more steam-powered technological inventions. Good movie by the way. I kind of like that Will Smith guy. One of the important aspects of Steampunk is the suit. Typically the most prominent person or group of people in a Steampunk setting are wearing suits of some kind. Because it's alternate history though, they aren't always accurate to what we wear. Nonetheless, I think this movement has helped introduce and popularize the usage of suits to the younger generation. They may have seen suits as something that was uncool or something that was linked to "The Man." And when you aren't "The Man," you have a much better chance of not liking him, or so I've heard. 

Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Color of Suits

The color of your suit can say a lot about you. Typically the blue/grey/black suits can be worn as business attire. My first suit that I bought was a navy blue suit. I thought I was pretty snazzy looking in it, and it worked for nearly every situation, especially because I was young and wasn't even expected to wear a suit in the first place. Some people have said that you should only wear black suits once a week or only when you're planning on going to a funeral or something solemn later. I think this is bullshit. I like black suits and I'll wear them 2-3 times a week if I want to. I'll admit that being seen in one everyday can get old, but there's no reason you can't make wearing a black suit an enjoyable experience. Hell, the main reason I wear suits is for fun, so I'm not going to let someone ruin my fun over that. That being said, grey suits are probably more "in" right now during the workday. It looks professional and there's just something appealing about that charcoal grey to me. Reagan brought in the era of brown suits in his presidency. He improved upon the Commander-in-chief of the USA's wardrobe more than any president before him, other than maybe JFK. They aren't exactly for a funeral or for court. but being seen on the street or at a bar, you most likely won't get criticized for wearing one. I'm not a fan of the brown suits myself, but there's not necessarily a reason you can't pull one off. I stay away from any odd colored suits. I think that nearly anyone who wears one either isn't knowledgeable about suits or doesn't want/know how to be taken seriously. If it's as a joke or something of the like then I can appreciate it, but barring that, it's extremely unprofessional.

These two are the only ones that will ever pull this look off. 
For the love of god, don't imitate them!

Thanks to Ladyme2 for the idea to write about the colors. Check out her blog at http://ladyme2.blogspot.com/

Friday, April 22, 2011

What to Post?

So, I was wondering, since I have more of a base of followers and such now, is there anything you guys would like me to talk about in particular? Questions you may have, something you've always wondered about, or maybe just my opinion on a suit related subject.
So, I've had a few comments here and there saying I'm like Neil Patrick Harris. He seems like a cool guy, but I imagine myself as a combination of him and Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons). I have all the suaveness of Barney Stinson and the intellect to actually pull off those crazy schemes. Since I've heard this though, I think I'll give you guys a little inspiration to wear a suit.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Success: 80's/Briefcase style

Now if you've been reading this blog you may have thought that I've gotten a bit off track with the title being Wear a Suit for Success. It all depends on what you mean by success. I'll cover some more of the business aspect that some people have probably been wanting to hear about now. When I first started my company, my partner and I thought it would be pretty kickass to dress in suits and impress the ell out of the guy we were meeting. It was a relatively simple project, just making a program to keep track of inventory and do some easy value calculations. We went in with briefcases, suits, sunglasses, and cigars. He and his store were blown away and thought we had come to bust them for something. We instantly gained the upper hand in the business relationship even though we were nearly a decade younger. Suits give you power. In this case it gave me bargaining power, but it can be transferred to nearly any kind of power of a normal person. Do it 80's style. Image is everything. There was nothing in the briefcases, but there didn't need to be.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Why do girls like suits?

Girls like suits. Now, maybe not every single girl in the entire world does, but we can safely assume that most girls would prefer to be picked up by a guy in a suit than a guy in sweatpants.  Women like many different things about the suits and what it means when you're wearing a suit. They are attracted to successful people of course, and you look pretty damn successful if you're in a suit. They are also attracted to men with power, which can be directly related to your success. Success is sexy! They are also attracted to people who stand out and look a bit flashy even. That's why some guys wear pink, yellow, purple shirts, etc. Unfortunately (or fortunately, because it's usually the douchebags doing that) they don't take it to the next step, which is looking different in a suit, because normally not many people wear suits around. Chicks also dig the alpha male. There are hundreds of reasons people think this this could be, ranging from women being sex slaves and the most submissive were "naturally selected," all the way to God made them that way. It doesn't matter though. They tend to like it. That's why even in a lesbian relationship there's usually the "Butch" one or whatever they prefer to call it. Wearing a suit makes you look more Alpha and I know for me at least, I feel like it's more accepted and easier to be Alpha. These are just a few of the reasons women like when you suit up. There's a reason ZZ Top said "every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man."

Imagine the amount of poon they get with those nice suits

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

How I Met Your Mother

If you've ever seen this show, then you know who Barney Stinson is. If you haven't seen this show, watch it if you have some spare time. Though Barney is over the top, he makes some very good points in favor of wearing a suit. Women are in fact much more attracted to men who dress up. This is fairly well known, so start dressing up NOW! Dammit, haven't you listened to a thing I've said? So, now that you're dressing up regularly we can get on to the rest of the points. It raises your self-esteem. When I'm in a suit I feel invincible. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. Though this could sometimes be the alcohol. Nonetheless, the suit is similar to Ironman's. It protects you and gives you tools to give you an advantage in almost any situation. Self-esteem is another thing that most girls really pick up on. Barney also makes the point that successful businesspeople wear suits. Now, whether you own a business, work for a business, or have ever heard of a business, you should be wearing a suit. Learn from Barney Stinson. He is Legen- wait for it..........dary!

Check out this really cool site

The First Suit I Bought

I had worn my father's suits to prom and other places that called for it, but when I started my own business I decided that I could no longer just go to my parent's house and borrow clothes. This is when I decided to buy my own suit. I didn't have a lot of money, because I was starting my own business obviously, so I went to Goodwill. There's no shame in that. I had no money at the time and they have some nice clothes there. I went in with my business partner to look at suits and shoes. After looking for less than 5 minutes we both found suits that were pretty sharp looking and paid a total of $18 for the coat and pants. I then proceeded to wear this suit straight for 2 days. I went to the local bar just to see who was there and a girl that I had gone to school with was there with her boyfriend. Keep in mind that I am not some Greek god when it comes to looks. but I have to admit, I look pretty damn good in a suit. She was there with her boyfriend though, and right as I walked in her eyes lit  up and she motioned me over. She completely disregarded her boyfriend at this point and had her hands all over me checking out the suit(and probably my muscles, ha!). We talked for a little while longer before I socialized with everybody else there. This was the day I truly realized the power of suits.

You can do better than this guy though


Get a goddamned watch! Just imagine yourself walking down the street when all of a sudden some very attractive person of the specific gender that you are attracted to asks you the time. You reach into your pocket, grab your phone, yank it out of said pocket, read the time, then repeat the time to the person asking it. Then after you decide to look up, you realize they're gone. You know why? Because, if they wanted to take the time to reach into their pocket for their phone they could have. Everybody has a phone nowadays. They wanted to ask you, because you looked professional and informative, and probably wanted to ask you on a date, but it's too late now. With a watch, this wouldn't have happened and you would have looked pretty badass checking the time on your expensive looking watch. There's no reason to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on a watch if you don't have that kind of money. My first watch was a Swiss from a pawn shop. Pawn shops are filled with expensive looking watches, because at one point they were expensive watches. Fortunately for you though, they're pretty cheap for the most part. I got mine for $40 and it was worth it. I got compliments on it all the time. So, again, isn't it about time you got a watch?

Not a bad starter watch at all!


So I was bartending tonight and I was dressed up in a suit obviously. I bartend a couple nights a week for fun and a little extra pocket change. It so happened that I was requested to bartend for one of the regular's daughter's birthday and her and her friends came in around 7:00. So, I'm just chilling there, looking damn good and talking to my grandparents, yes, they were there, when all of a sudden these gorgeous women start piling into this small tavern that I'm working at. It was awesome. I hit it off with a couple girls, but because it's busy I don't get any numbers. Later that night after thinking I've pretty much struck out, I find out that a few of the girls had been asking about me. I'm getting set up with the hottest one real soon. I attribute this to my dressing up for the occasion. It was far too hot to be wearing a full suit, so I just had a bright blue button down shirt, dark blue pants, a belt, a nice watch and dress shoes. Getting a watch will be for a later discussion. Guys, seriously, overdress for the occasion. not by a lot. just one or two steps up. If you're told to dress business casual, then dress businessy. If there's no dress code expected, at least wear a nice polo or button down shirt.

Monday, April 11, 2011

First Post

There are many people out there that don't understand the finer points of wearing a suit. We don't wear a suit just for the attention from women, the envious looks from people as we walk by, or just to make our exes jealous. No. Ultimately, we wear one for ourselves. This is what this blog was created for: To spread the word about the Secret of Suits and to appreciate what they've done and can do for us. Success is just failure dressed up in a suit.